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Do you have any idea how gross I’ve been feeling for all of Feburary and part of March?

Very, very gross.

I’ve been a bunch of sick. A bunch. Breathing troubles, a sleep study, heart troubles, and a whole heap of depression to top that.  I’m just climbing out of that hole and boy does it feel good to get shit done.

Like edits.  And a shower.

So, I’m hopping back on the horse and trying to get back into the mindset of Patch so I can continue with his fucking story already after a month of not adding a single word.  It shouldn’t be hard; he’s a hot mess, I’m a hot mess.  Easy peasy.

WIP Saturday!!

Only because I just wrote this bit, and I’m tickled and thrilled with it to the point of cackling loud enough to disturb my cat, I will share it with you. It’s rough, because I literally just finished writing it, but well, maybe it’ll give a nice insight into my “pretty boy” Patch and his new squeeze Roland.


“You know, Patch,” Roland told me as I figured out how the seatbelt worked. “You don’t really have to do this. That guy’s being a dick.”


“How do these work?” I jammed my finger at the control panel.

Roland sighed and did a quick run down. Joystick to move, the screens will make it look like I’m looking out of three windows, buttons meant different sorts of guns and rockets. I had a shield and there were weapon drops that I could activate by running into them.


“Are you sure about this? We could do a basic tutorial…”


“Get the fuck out and get into your pod,” I snarled.


He got out then and I waited until the door closed before second guessing myself. I’ve never been much of a video gamer dude. I mean, we had a Super Nintendo when I was a kid in the foster house, but that was it. No time to get into to trends when I wasn’t there anymore. I was about to make a complete ass of myself and for what reason?


Two firm knocks on my pod door. “Hey, pretty boy, you ready?”


Oh yeah, that reason.

Behold, the TLW Sequel You’ve All Been Waiting For!

Here it is...the entire book!

Here it is…the entire book!

…yes, your eyes aren’t fooling you.  It’s blank.

…nope, I didn’t lose everything in a terrible computer accident.

I’m starting over.  Fresh, new, not even looking at the old tattered files.  I will work hard to craft a much better story, a story Patch deserves, a story my readers deserve.


*rubs hands together* so, let get this shit started, yeah?

In which I am a dickasaurus

Because I have to both advertise tonight’s episode of Happily Ever After at the very last minute (we’re doing Armed and Dangerous by Abigail Roux), but it has been forever and two weeks since I’ve posted anything.

Long story short, my health. A cold, followed by extreme moments of fatigue, followed by passing out at work, if it wasn’t for the fact that I finished the first draft of All I Ever Wanted, I thought I’d have nothing done this season.

So, I’m sitting on AIEW to let it percolate, and will be working on my Fesitivus Story, The Airing of Grievances. That will be a free PDF just in time for this perfectly made up holiday.

So, catch us tonight at 8:30 CST/9:30 EST and lets get road trippin’!

Super Cold WIP Friday: May the Burrs Be With You!

I am very much NOT looking forward to wandering outside to catch my bus for work.  Boo and Hiss.

But if you’re in a nice warm place, allow me to give you a little taste of some bedroom action to keep the heat!

Rafe nodded and I scooted down off him to kick off my pants and yank off his.  He rolled over on his stomach, bent over the bed, feet on the floor and spread, showing up that perfect ass.  


Like good boys, our hosts kept their lube in a bedstand.  Like weird hosts, they also kept a couple of things there that I never wanted to imagine either one using. I grabbed the bottle out and slammed the drawer close so fast that we both could hear the clink of metal.  


“What the fuck was that?” Rafe asked, unable to stop laughing as I tossed the bottle next to him and got on my knees behind his ass.  


“Do ya really wanna know what they get up to,” I asked, my mouth close to his thighs.  “Or do ya wanna know what I wanna get up to.”


“Balls deep, I hope,” Rafe moaned and reached back to spread his ass apart.  “Been practicing since I got back to the States.  I don’t need that much prep.”


That confession made me dizzy, imagining Rafe stretching his hole, thinking about when he’d have me again.  “Confident, ain’t we?”


“Hope springs eternal.”

Good morning WIP: More NaNo!


It’s been a neat week, I’m getting used to being a cat mom (oh holy fuck, so much cat hair everywhere), last week’s episode of Happily Ever After that I’ll be posting tomorrow right here, a friend introduced herself to M/M by reading (and reviewing!!) This Little Whatever, and there there was writing.

Here’s another very rough glimpse at another bit of All I Ever Wanted:

“He’s a regular superhero.” Avi declared. “You ready to be his Lois Lane?”


“What? Easy there, dude, I’m not getting into a frock. I wouldn’t carry it off as good as you do.” I added that last part quickly, so I wouldn’t earn his wrath.


Avi ran a hand through his bright red locks. “Damn right. Tucking that monster dick of yours would be a nightmare.”


“How’d you figure that? It’s not like I’ve been flashing it around you.”


“When you’re hiding it in those ghastly cargo shorts, anyone with eyes could tell not only are you packing, but you dress left.”


Okay, it was like he suddenly starting speaking Chinese or Yiddish and left me behind. “Dress left?”


That got me a sigh. “Your dick tends to hang to the left. Dress left. It’s useful when you’re being fitted for a suit to know which way you ‘dress’.”

“And you?”


“So left it points at Noam Chomsky.”


It was nice hanging out with Avi, as long as we avoided the subject of his lovelife. It was confirmed that he didn’t date or fuck around, but was always there for his friend Dr. Zay needed a date. Dr. Zay also didn’t date, being a doctor and running a large clinic took up a lot of his time already.


Okay, so maybe I didn’t bring it up because Dr. Carver arranged an externship with the small pharmacy in the clinic once I pasted the licensing test. Best not to piss off the best friend, right?


The house looked as pretty as ever, with only one thing not belonging there.


It was large and brown and old.


A van.

No, not just any van.




“Patch?” Avi shook me from where I’d stepped on the brakes halfway down the road. “Did you notice your phone flashing? You’ve missed some texts.”


Numbly, foot still on the brake, I took my phone out.


Kid, you gotta get over here, like now.


I’m SERIOUS, Patch. This is some shit.




Fuck, do you have your ringer off!?!!?


All from Jonathan, all in an hour span. Shit.

WIP Friday: Family Reunion

People asked if Mama Carmen would make an appearance in All I Ever Wanted, and I wouldn’t dream of disappointing any of you!


Any other thoughts I had were interrupted by a black blur tearing out of the garage.


“Well, glad he remember clothes…” My driving companion wasn’t sitting next to me as I parked, leaving the door wide open and her hat on the seat as the two Mendozas collided together, Jonathan practically lifting the Carmen in to the air. Carmen kissed her son’s cheeks over and over again, and they both spoke so fast that I wasn’t sure if it was English or Spanish or some perfect meshing of the two.


Dean opened my door for me. “I’ll get her bags while they say hello.” If his smile got any bigger, his face would have split in half.


My chest ached hard watching the reunion. Damn, I’d never had that kind of hello from any kin of mine. It was wrong to be jealous, even a little, but I was going to be honest. It hurt.


I felt Dean’s hand on my shoulder, and his eyes were a little misty. “Thinking about your folks?”


“…yeah,” I confessed with a little sigh.


He nodded. “Me too. I’d kill for one more hug, you know. But,” he moved to the back to get the luggage. “I can live vicariously through them, yeah?”


I got up and helped by the tote bag, amazed at how it seemed that there was no one else in the universe but mom and son. Jonathan had his face tucked into Carmen’s neck, his shoulder shaking as she petted his hair and cooed at him.


“She’s telling him that she’s fine,” Dean translated. “I forgot she’s been sick for two years.”


“Come on,” I said, heading for the steps leading to the front door. “We could give ‘em some privacy, yeah?”

WIP Friday: All I Ever Wanted (yup, again!)



I’m terrified!


Well, I’ve been doing Nano for eight years, and this is my first year with actual writing expectations, so I’m going to make this yearly thing I do into motivation: I’m going to work on All I Ever Wanted this month!  Fifty thousand words should help me finish the fucker that I started last year.  I think.  I hope. If you’re doing Nano too, feel free to friend me at “jailaheyn” (It’s my old fanfic pen name, so…yeah…)


So, happy November, happy Nano, and here’s this week’s except!


Rafe nodded real slow. “That would explain the bottle of Zoloft in the bathroom.”


I covered my face and groaned. “Fuck, I thought I put that in the medicine cabinet this morning. I didn’t mean for you to see those. Didn’t want you to think I was this fucked up.”


“I’ll forgive you for thinking I’m enough of a jerk that I’d dump you for being on meds.” He extended a hand to me. “And I’m not going to dump you just because you went soft. You didn’t know, I didn’t know. And that whole ‘worth is in your ability to fuck’ bit is total bullshit. I liked you long before we got to this point.”


I couldn’t take his hand, because I wasn’t remotely finished yet. If he wanted to like me so much, he had to know it all before we got skin to skin ever again. “It’s all I’ve ever known.”


“How long have you known that? You’re not that much younger than I am.” He kept his hand out.


I closed my eyes, no longer crying. The room had gotten cool, and I crossed my arms in front of me, hugging myself, trying to get warm. The downside of being a skinny fuck and being sober all the time, I got cold too damn quick. This part was going to be tough, but I’d decided to spill, and I couldn’t talk about the daddy thing, so maybe if I told him everything else, I’d be forgiven.


“I had a whole lot of practice.”

WIP Friday: All I Ever Wanted!

Happy Friday you guys and gals!


In case you were wonder if our dear Patch-kid is going to meet a special someone, fear not! He’s got his issues to deal with around love and stuff, but fear not!


I spend that entire weekend distracted by thoughts of Mr. Rafe and his idea of a “date” that involved getting sweaty in ways I wasn’t completely familiar with, that is, with another person. The distraction didn’t mean I was gonna blurt it out to my nearest and dearest, though.  I’d learned a long time ago that some things, you have to keep close to your chest at first.

Well, except for Hallow.  He didn’t talk back or ask me to give gory details of my feelings, so he were safe, even when it felt like I was talking to myself out loud.

 “So, Rafe.  Hot, friendly, and way the fuck out of my league.  I got no fucking clue what to do with this guy at all.  Okay, I’ve got some ideas, but the mind the willing and the body is medicated.”  I’d been quite happy for that major side effect when I was up to 100 mg, one less thing I had to worry about while I was in the middle of recovering.

“He asked me to be his running partner.  I can do that, right?” Hallow poked his little snub nose out of my shirt, where he was keeping warm, like it was actually listening.  I felt the smooth scale slide against my skin and it was nice.  “It’s just that ‘date’ thing that throwing me off.  I ain’t the dating type, never saw the need for it, not in my game.  So, I’ll just run with him for now, see if he’s trying for some long game to get into my pants.  If that’s the case, well…”  

I didn’t know.  Normally, fucking was a means to an end, always had been for me.  But other than an ass tight enough to bounce a rock off of, Rafe didn’t have anything I needed that I could barter sex for.  Just thinking about it made me even more confused, so I decided to just see what happened. 

WIP Friday: All I Ever Wanted

See, I didn’t forget this time!


I was still so fucking angry.


“What happened to you wasn’t your fault. It’s alright to be upset, Patrick.” She tried again with the tissues and I snatched them from her and hurled them at the wall with a very satisfied smack. I liked her company, but I fucked hated that we talked about this shit. Nothing made me more pissed off than remembering the helplessness.


The throw got a glare from her. “But you can’t take it out on my Kleenex. Have you thought about taking up a sport?”


That shook me out of my rage-haze for a second. “What? Like fucking football or some shit?”


“Or running, or swimming. You told me you swam as a kid. Something that gets your body moving, gets you out of your head.”


I shook my head, because that just sounded ridiculous. Me, short and scrawny me, lifting more than my own ass? Please. “I know what happened wasn’t my fault. It never was my fucking fault. She wasn’t in the deal, she had no goddamned right, but she’s gone and I’ve got no fucking clue what to do with all this…this..” I dashed my hand over my cheek as it started to itch. “Fuck, I want to just tear her to pieces…” I didn’t even want to talk about the consequences of that Nightmare night, of birds and bees and sperm hitting an egg and just like that, I wanted something else to throw. Or maybe to just throw up.