Why do I write this filth?

(“Filth” mostly tongue in cheek)

Fellow DSP author (and apparent fellow MN resident) Posy Roberts asked fellow M/M romance authors why do we write M/M?

Now, my short answer is always, “Because I like it.” But of course, I wouldn’t make a post out of just that one statement.

Yonks ago, I posted a very quick and dirty Tumblr post about why I read and enjoy M/M romances.  Since my Tumblr is very much not safe for work (penises, penises everywhere), here’s that article.  Just replace “read” with “write”, and you’ve got the jist:

…otherwise known as “Nicole is gassing on about something when she should be working on her own damned book on a Sunday”.

If you haven’t figured it out from looking at stuff I reblog, I love men on men (and sometimes men on men on men).  Gay porn, m/m romance novels, you name it, I probably enjoy it.  There are a lot of lady folk who do, of all places on the rainbow, and we all have our reasons why.  Here’s mine.

The variety of the men in m/m romance stories is outstanding.  M/F romances seem to stick their male love interest into one of two categories: alpha male caveman or slimy charming asshole.  Both are usually built like brick shithouses and are emotionally unavailable for most of the book/series.  Sometimes things get really creative and the dudes are some sort of alpha male charmer or a slimy caveman, still so emotionally constipated, and it takes the love of the right persistent lass to act like the ExLax and I’m stopping this metaphor now before I gross myself out.

With M/M, we get so many types of men.  Yeah, the alpha male caveman and the slimy charming assholes are there, but maybe the body types are different.  Men in M/M aren’t all six foot five and built like brick shithouses.  Some are skinny.  Some are downright slender.  Some are rangy. Some are short brick shithouses.  Some even have just a wee bit of padding in their tummies. All find love in the end.

And emotions? Holy fuck, stop the presses, men are allowed to have all kinds of emotions in these books.  Not just jealous rage, or angry rage, fierce possessiveness, or sullen sadness, or ragingly horny.  They can cry.  You know, like men in real life do?  Some dudes get depressed.  Some get anxious.  Some are, yes, emotionally constipated.  At the same time, some dudes are fairly open with how they feel and have no problem expressing their emotions.  Don’t tell anyone, but some of these dudes are downright romantics.  There is room in the HEA or HFN Inn for all these guys.

Now we’ve got our guys, and they’re feeling things.  What about sex?  One of things I yawn about in m/f is that the sex is just the same.  The woman is receiving, the man is giving (seriously, has no one heard of a strap on? How about having the woman posses a ‘top’ mentality?).  If you want your sex with a woman “topping”, even while being penetrated, you’d have to look for femdom stories.  In m/m, yes, there is a convention that the shorter, slimmer, younger partner takes it up the ass and is the ‘beta’ of the relationship, but it’s so not always the fucking case.  The convention gets turned on its head so many times and I love it.

My favorite series involves two alpha male assholes (search your heart, Minions, you know it’s true) who switch.  And there’s no battle to figure out who’s fucking who.  Ty’s dick doesn’t fall off the second Zane’s inside him, and holy cow does he give himself up when he’s bottoming.  No fight to surrender here (unless they’re playing around), and it’s goes the same way when Zane, who’s physically larger, has his sexy ass in the air.  Another fav book of mine from last year featured a short, twinky, pink haired artist who topped the ever loving fuck out his hunky firefighter every single time. And I loved it.

See, I loved it because a character like Rodney (from Fire Balls by Tara Lain) would barely exist in m/f, unless he was the sexless sassy gay friend of the lady protag*. M/M allows for the twink tops, the femme man Doms, the bear bottoms, the alpha male who owns a dildo and/or a butt plug, the single father who likes to wear silk panties under his Levis, the guy that wants to wait until he’s in a serious relationship first.  It allows two submissives to have a loving committed relationship while seeing a Dom to meet their mutual need to submit. AND it allows for sweetly submissive twinks* to love and care for their alpha male/bear/Daddy tops. It shows us that men have just as much variety in their sexual expression as women do.

You know, just like in real life? 

Hell, M/M romance is all about the variety of men.  There’s something for everyone.

*I would love to read a m/f book where the male LI is a little effeminate/sensitive and that’s just what the main lady wants, damn the expectations.  Because damn, not every woman wants the alpha male cavedude either.

**on that note, that sweet submissive twink who may express his emotions openly?  Still a man.  His penis still exists.  Calling such a character a “Chick with a Dick” or “Such a Girl” or complaining that “Men Should Act Like Men” slanders such men in real life (you may not personally know any, but they do exist), and is insulting to women in general (what? You don’t know any cold emotionally constipated women in your life? Are they suddenly men because of it?).  Since when was having and expressing emotions just a lady trait? And why is it bad? Seriously. Gender policing is bad, mmkay?



Posted on May 6, 2013, in Uncategorized and tagged , , . Bookmark the permalink. 3 Comments.

  1. Great post. Variety is the spice of life, and I just so happen to be one of those women who like the sensitive type who knows his feelings. Yep. Make him a little bit (or a lot) effeminate, and that just makes me more interested in getting to know this person. Wow, the bravery that takes, especially in places where I’ve lived.

    And the slander you wrote about that runs around the internet like wild fire from time to time is insulting to all. I remember the first time I read a complaint someone had about “Chicks with Dicks” and I got so ticked off. I was mad on so many levels and not just for the characters or the writers or the men or the women in the world, I was mad at the simplistic boiling down of depth to a quick catchy phrase. Emotions are a human thing, not a gender thing. Feeling a connection with another person is a human thing.

    As a general rule, I think the longer people read in the M/M genre, the less they fall for this outright pigeon holing. If not, they certainly have a type they’d prefer to read about, which is fine. I go out of my way to find stories where gender stereotypes are shattered and characters aren’t predictable. Just like I don’t want to read 20 knock-off Harry Potter books, I don’t want to read the same fake characters living in different fictional worlds. Variety, again.

    • “And the slander you wrote about that runs around the internet like wild fire from time to time is insulting to all. I remember the first time I read a complaint someone had about “Chicks with Dicks” and I got so ticked off. I was mad on so many levels and not just for the characters or the writers or the men or the women in the world, I was mad at the simplistic boiling down of depth to a quick catchy phrase”

      YES. THIS.

      It isn’t just the who gender policing BS that gets me about that phrase. I consider myself an ally for transgendered rights – though I may get it wrong from time to time, and “chicks with dicks” is not even a nice thing to use even if you’re not referring to say, transgendered women (who may very well decide to keep their lower bits). So I’d rather not use it at all.

      And yeah, I think most of my annoyance with the pigeon holding/gender policing (men do this, men don’t do this) probably is more directed to folks new to the genre who haven’t quite gotten the chance to open their minds a little about what’s on offer. Don’t get me wrong, by that I don’t mean that in order to be a “good fan” or to do it “right” that you have to read and accept everything that’s written; it’s okay to have preferences. Lord knows I’ve got mine, and I’ve been reading/writing this stuff since I wore training bras. But the genre is a lot more enjoyable if you’re willing to consider the variety of men that are actually out there.

  2. so um… just out of interest – where would one find your Tumblr? Of course, maybe I already follow it 😉
    Great post!

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